There is a great deal of media exposure to changing social customs and lifestyles What is often not highlighted is that not all the changes are good, The most devastating changes have taken place in the institution we call "The Family".
Changes have happened so fast in the status of women in society that the family has struggled to keep up. Easy divorce, increasing permissiveness, the acceptance of extra marital affairs as normal and a whole cluster of other things have helped to change the mood of society in general. You may be contemplating a divorce. Let me say immediately that I am aware of the impossibility and the difficulty of some relationships. I am not suggesting that anyone has all the answers. Human relationships are a very complex thing. Some marriages need specialized help. However, you may be one of those people caught up in the current social mood. There may have been difficulties, unresolved problems, conflict and unhappiness. But maybe your marriage is still salvageable. Before you make a final decision please consider six reasons why you should not get a divorce

1. The decision is often too hasty
I do not deny the reality of your problem or your hurt, You may be feeling deeply wounded as you read these words. Maybe you are being treated for depression. Whatever the pressures may be it is not a good idea to make such a weighty decision feeling the way you do. Listen to these words from the Bible: (Ecclesiastes chapter 7 verse 9) "Do not be quickly provoked in your spirit, for anger resides in the lap of fools. " Before you make your decision - think! Is the marriage really over? Is there absolutely no hope? Or has anger and disappointment clouded your judgement?

2. Because of the Price you Pay
Make no mistake. The break up of a marriage demands a price. I am not referring merely to the legal fees. I am talking about the harvest of unhappiness that descends upon you afterwards. For instance consider the destructive power of the following four things:

1. a.Bitterness - when you have gone the rest of the family is still left. You leave behind you a legacy of hate.
   

2. b.Then think of the Regret - There is many a person who would like to turn the clock back if it was possible. The freedom they thought they needed has turned sour. That new relationship has worn through. Now the kids don't want them back. The woman who bore your children now has another man in her life. The home where all your early memories were built is foreign territory. You are an outsider.
   

3. c.Consider the Financial Implications - it will become a burden supporting two families. The plans you thought were infallible have fallen through.
   

4. d.Then there are the inevitable Recriminations - the wrangling over children, the insults, the ongoing destruction of each other's personal dignity which wears you down and nurtures bitterness. The price is high indeed!
   

3. Because of the Children
God has so programmed a child that it needs a mother and a father. There is a deep emotional dimension to your child that only you can fill. Can you ever begin to imagine what it will do to your child to wake up one morning to the realization that you are no longer there? Think! Think of that little boy with his father's chin. Think of that little girl with her mother's eyes. The two of you brought them into this world. Bone of your bone, flesh of your flesh. No matter what they say about access to the child - it is NOT THE SAME as living there. Think of what it does to the emotions, to the character, personality of your child, and think too of what it does to that child's view of marriage.

4. Your family is worth saving
How can any nation stand today without a foundation? The backbone of any nation is strong healthy families. There are forces at work today to destroy the family unit. Things forbidden by the bible and previously by society are now acceptable. Role reversals are encouraged. One-parent families are increasingly the norm. The family is under attack. Don't contribute to it. Fight for what is right. Don't give up. Think of the happy years. Remember what is possible. Think of the things you said to each other, the sweet days, the precious memories, the hopes for your children. Don't throw it away for frivolous reasons

5. Because Divorce is something God hates
Listen to God's words - Malachi chapter 2 verse 16 "I hate divorce," says the Lord God of Israel, "and I hate a man's covering himself with violence as well as with his garment", says the Lord Almighty. "So guard yourself in your spirit, and do not break faith."

Bear in mind the following before you go through with your divorce:

1. a.Marriage and the Family is God's invention. It is the way we are programmed. We all want it deep down inside.
   

2. b.The reason why it has not worked is because we all make our own rules as we go along and refuse to take into account God's rules.
   

3. c.Remember your vows, "I take thee to my wedded wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death us do part, according to God's holy ordinance; and thereto I plight thee my troth." God holds you to these vow's. It is offensive to Him that you should "break faith" with the one whom you promised to love till death parts you. God holds you to these vows and He is opposed to the break up of a family.
   

6. Because there is an Alternative
The alternative is to go God's Way. Jesus has the power to change people. For every relationship in life we need to have foundations. Many marriages have fallen apart because of bad foundations, no direction. You need to take Jesus Christ with you into your Home. Jesus did not come merely to change your partner, answer your prayers and bring you happiness. He came to die for the sins of the World,

1. •to atone for our rebellion
   

2. •to open a door back to God
   

3. •to give men and women new lives.
   

That is the starting point. It is only a starting point. There is much more that needs to be said. But that is the start. Think about it and look for help now.

By Bishop Frank Retief